The Gravity of Absence
by matchaball
Summary: In the deeper corners of her mind where she could never lie to herself, she knows what's really missing is her heart. [Tenten-centric, slight NejiTen] 10 moments after Neji's death.


**AN:** It took a strangely long time for me to write such small fragments. I'm sorry, my original OTP, that this is the first thing I write about you after years of silence. An exercise in short writing and, apparently, masochism.

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1.

The first time Tenten visits, she can't even get past the cemetery gate. She stands frozen, her hands gripping the wooden fence so hard her knuckles turn white and stares at his grave marker in the distance with a ferocity she usually saves for her enemies.

After an eternity, she abruptly whirls around and walks away, never once looking back.

Even now, she doesn't want him to see the tears trailing down her cheeks.

2.

Lee takes Tenten's place sparring against Gai and she gratefully sits by the sidelines to catch her breath and reorganize her scrolls. She keeps an eye on the two green blurs exchanging blows and analyzes what openings and weaknesses she could look out for next time.

A particularly speedy and creatively placed roundhouse kick from Lee sends Gai flying back several meters, the most solidly he's been hit today. A split second later, Gai is up with tears running down his face, fist pumping at Lee's incredible move, and proclaiming the power of his youth. Tenten rolls her eyes over to the left as Lee mirrors their sensei but there is no disgruntled figure next to her to commiserate with.

She feels cold, like someone dumped a bucket of ice over her, and then she's on fire, anger churning in her belly and making her hands shake. He left her all alone to deal with Lee and Gai and Tenten knows that is such a twisted and unfair and inaccurate way of looking at her teammates but in this moment she is so angry at Neji for _dying_ that she stands up and proceeds to _decimate_ the training ground around her.

It takes the combined efforts of Gai and Lee to stop her and for once they are somber. Lee's eyes are full of the same grief that Tenten feels and she cannot look at him. Gai places a heavy but comforting hand on her shoulder and tells her to take the next few days off.

Gai was always telling them how strong their youth was but as she walks away, her hands still shaking and her blood roaring in her ears, Tenten thinks she has never felt more brittle.

3.

The hair is the wrong colour, the height too short, and the frame too slender but she's already reaching out to grasp the shoulder, his name falling from her lips.

The figure turns and all she can see are the pale lavender of the Hyuuga eyes but the illusion is already shattered by Hinata's bewildered and slightly desperate echo of Neji's name.

Tenten freezes, her heart torn between apologizing and crying. She feels cold and dizzy and her breath runs in short gasps and the knot in her chest grows and grows until she's sure she's suffocating. Her grip tightens unconsciously on Hinata's shoulder but she can't move.

"Tenten-san?" Hinata's voice is far away and only echos dimly in her mind.

"Tenten-san." A hand is on hers now and Hinata is so close that all Tenten can see is the blank canvas of her eyes. She doesn't know if this hurts or helps more. She can't breathe which is funny because all her lungs are doing is heaving in as much air as fast as they can.

"Tenten. Breathe. Breathe with me."

And it's like she's falling from using Sōshōryū to land beside him a heartbeat before he is moving and spinning into Hakkeshō Kaiten. She was never afraid to let herself go because she knew he always had her back.

Her face crumbles and she's falling to the ground now but this time he's not there to catch her. She dimly registers Hinata landing heavily in front of her on her knees and only when Hinata wraps her arms around her does she realize Hinata is crying too.

Tenten holds on and together they mourn for the empty silence looming between them.

4.

She takes to humming whenever she's alone, whether it's in the stillness of her home or the quiet of the training grounds or the emptiness of her shop.

It's a nervous habit but she cannot stand the heaviness of the silences that drown her.

His presence had been something like air to her: quiet, assuming, unobtrusive yet essential. His absence unbalances her and she feels incomplete. It's like she's lost an arm or a leg and the phantom limb pain haunts and hurts her as she unconsciously looks for him at every turn only to find empty space instead.

In the deeper corners of her mind where she could never lie to herself, she knows what's really missing is her heart.

5.

Tenten is on autopilot and not really paying attention to the colourful array of fruits she's standing in front of. A shopping basket hangs limply from her hands with various items already haphazardly thrown in.

She's startled as someone bumps into her and she shakes her head to clear her mind. She grabs a few apples at random and places them absentmindedly in her basket before wandering away towards the selection of fish.

She's looking but not really seeing the selection of dried herring arranged in plastic packages. She idly glances at the contents of her basket to remind herself what she is buying for dinner tonight and it takes her a moment to see the dashi stock paste, scallions, nameko mushrooms, bamboo shoots, and the special sarashina soba noodles she's gathered from throughout the grocery store.

Her face goes white and she sets the basket down with unsteady hands before she hurries out of the shop.

Tenten skips dinner, her appetite completely and utterly gone. The clock's ticking informs her that it's only the seventh hour but she takes a sleeping pill with some chamomile tea and escapes into unconsciousness.

6.

She moves around her kitchen, tired after a long day of training and running her shop. She fills a kettle full of water and rummages around her cabinet for her cannister of chrysanthemum tea flowers. The clock ticks away the late hour as she settles the tea strainer filled with chrysanthemum flowers into a mug. The kettle whistles and she pours the steaming water slowly, inhaling deeply at the comforting and fragrant scent.

Once her mug is filled, she hesitates. Her eyes flicker to her tiny kitchen table, two chairs set up across from each other. After a moment, she prepares another mug of tea.

Tenten carries the two cups to the table and sets them down before settling into the chair closest to the door. She takes a sip of her tea and sighs.

The other mug of tea sits on the opposite side of the table, steam curling gently in the air and out the open window overlooking Konoha. The empty chair is pushed back from the table, angled so the viewer would have the perfect view of the peaceful and starry sky blanketing the dimly lit buildings. The cicadas outside sing a quiet lullaby.

Tenten slowly takes another sip of her tea. She takes her time drinking down to the last dregs in her mug, her eyes tracing the empty chair across from her. When she's done, she places the mug in the sink and turns the light off before heading to bed.

The other mug sits full on the table in front of the chair she has not touched since the last time Neji was home.

7.

Tenten backflips up and over and lands on her feet, a giant battle ax hefted easily over a shoulder. She pants, rigid for a moment, before she hurls the ax that's easily twice the size of her across the clearing. It slices through several trees like a hot knife through butter before embedding itself deeply in a large old oak tree.

Tenten takes her time striding past the damage she's wrought before coming to a stop to where her ax is. Instead of heaving it out to continue her training, she flips up lightly onto the flat surface of the blade that's protruding out and settles herself for a break.

It's quiet, with only the rustle of leaves and the occasional bird chirp to accompany her. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, intent on meditating.

The summer wind blows and the branches whisper to her and the dappled sunlight dances across her eyes. She can't concentrate. She rolls her shoulders back to loosen them and settles more firmly against the bark of the tree.

Her mind is empty but her heart feels so heavy she's surprised she hasn't dropped to the ground. Her fingers twitch restlessly and she switches from holding them in vaayu mudra to aakash before reluctantly shifting into shunya. The knot of pain in her chest doesn't lessen. Her breath hitches in her throat.

Against her will, she turns to look to her left.

Emptiness.

She stares at the space beside for her so long the spots of sun reflecting off her blade blink back at her like eyes and the ruffle of leaves swaying in the wind flutter like long tendrils of hair. The warmth of the sun wraps around her like the comforting drape of a haori.

Tenten blinks and he is gone.

8.

"His name is Boruto. In honour of Neji." Naruto's voice is soft but in the quiet of the room it fills up the space like a deep breath.

Tenten gently lowers the blanket hiding the face of the baby in her arms and her breath catches at the bright blue eyes and tiny waving fists that greet her. A warmth fills her as she coos and rocks him gently back and forth.

Her arms tighten infinitesimally. Just for a moment she can feel his arms around them both, and it is both a hello and a goodbye.

She passes the baby back to Naruto and finally lets him go.

9.

There's always been birds around Konoha, singing in the trees of the training grounds and hovering over the food stands in hopes of snatching a bite. There are crows, brown-eared bulbus, sparrows, daurian redstarts, thrushes, and so many more than Tenten knows by sight but not by name. He would've known. Bird-watching had always been a hobby of his. Yet for all his interest she never paid much attention to them before.

She does now. She listens in between the chatter of people on the streets to hear their quiet chirps and her eyes lift up to catch the sight of them perched on rooftops, shop signs, and tree branches.

Tenten buys cracked corn, sunflower seeds, dried fruit, and oats and sprinkles the mix on her windowsill. The birds come and their trills and whistles lighten the heavy silences of her morning. She eats breakfast in their company and watches as they come and go, watches their strong wings unfurl and catch the soft light of dawn as they lift up into the crisp air and endless sky.

She smiles as she realizes she's finally seeing what he'd always known the entire time.

10.

She's laughing as Himawari pulls her through the cemetery gates and up to the grave marker that gleams in the sun. A bouquet of sunflowers and poppies sway in her free hand and she almost spills them over Neji's grave as Himawari unexpectedly yanks her down.

Tenten recovers her balance and gently lays the flowers over the worn stone before bowing her head in prayer. Himawari mimics her aunt but her blue eyes are curious.

"Tenten-obasan, what was Neji-ojisan like?"

Tenten hesitates as she considers all the answers she could give, and there are so, so, so many memories to choose from. Her eyes light on the flowers and she grins.

"Well, Hima-chan, Neji-ojisan had long, beautiful brown hair that reached all the way down his back." Himawari gasps in delight at this news as Tenten knew she would. "He took great care of his hair, making sure it was always neatly tied back and untangled."

"Did you ever braid it, Tenten-obasan?" Himawari asks and her eyes trace over Tenten's elaborate braids that form her twin buns.

"Sometimes," Tenten chuckles and she fondly remembers missions and early morning training sessions where she'd play with his hair. "I once tucked a flower by his hitai-ate and he was the prettiest shinobi there ever was."

Himawari gives another gasp in delight, and her eyes lower to the gravestone, her expression saddening as she considers how she'll never be able to do the same. All at once her face brightens and she turns back to Tenten.

"Do you think he'd like it if I made him a flower crown?"

Tenten smiles so widely her cheeks hurt and she gives Himawari a quick hug.

"He would absolutely and positively love it."

They spend hours there under the sun, weaving flower crowns as Tenten tells Himawari story after story of the uncle she's never met.

When the sky starts to shift from blue to pinks and purples, they both stand and admire their handiwork. Circlets and crowns of poppies and sunflowers and daisies colour the unassuming grey stone and Tenten thinks his grave has never looked more beautiful. Her heart aches a little but the pain is light and bittersweet, the kind she knows is good for her.

Himawari skips ahead to open the cemetery gates for them but Tenten lingers a moment longer. She untucks a blue forget-me-not from her bun and places it in the center of his grave. She bows three times.

"Until next time," she promises. Her hand lightly taps over her heart once before she turns to walk onwards to the open gate.


End file.
